“hold off, Is it a night out together?” Podcast Episode 104: Sexting or Something enjoy it | Autostraddle

Exactly what comes after DM slides? Sexting! Or you’re myself discover like six a lot more strategies. Nevertheless the major subject this week is actually sexting and we also’re joined by certainly one of my personal very preferred writers:
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya
.

We start out with a-game of Sapho or Drew’s 2014 log prior to getting into every particulars of sextual connections. We’re chatting tenses, we are talking instigation, we’re chatting photos — like the huge possibilities of the alive Photo. This week all of our immediate interaction is additionally hotter than normal!

SHOW NOTES

+ Unfortunately, you have to be Kayla’s sweetheart observe her writing skills via sext, but anybody can study the woman ability as a copywriter in fiction. Here’s certainly one of the best stories by the girl:

Field Games

.

+ we have been asking for a lesbian Grindr as confirmed by
this particular article
from B Nichols circa 2011.

+ by
this podcast occurrence
with Shelli from this 12 months.

+ Seemingly Scissr
generated the Guardian
before their ill-fated release.

+ I actually interviewed Mae Martin double. After
period one
and after
period two
.

+ ok now I am baffled how

The Huntsman: Winter’s Conflict

is not homosexual?? After all, look at this picture:

Drew:

Have you been performing part plays regarding a situation of, “You’re touching me today” or, “If only you used to be holding myself?” Exactly what tight tend to be we in?

Kayla:

Yeah, I found myself attending ask alike concern really, because that’s something which’s constantly interesting to me, especially because we are all article authors additionally.

Christina:

I became browsing state a team of people. Exactly what tight tend to be we doing work in, how tend to be we feeling? Is it a close third? What exactly is going on here?

Drew:

Hi, I Am Drew!

Christina:

I Am Christina!

Drew:

And thanks for visiting

Wait, Is It A Night Out Together?

Christina:


Wait, Is This A Night Out Together

is an Autostraddle podcast focused on the untamed and insane arena of online dating.

Drew:

Queer internet dating.

Christina:

You mentioned some thing untamed. I was planning to present my self once again but i am pleased you said queer relationship, I think that really is a better change.

Drew:

But please queer, expose yourself.

Christina:

As Drew pointed out, i’m Queer, I go by Christina, from time to time. I am a writer at Autostraddle, a queer online who’s frequently deranged and today i have already been consuming a bag of M&Ms, simply a Ziploc bag of M&Ms for hours. I really do feel lightly nauseous, but that is the wager I’ve made a decision to get.

Drew:

I think it may sound worthwhile?

Christina:

Yeah, i am feeling good about it. There is merely M&Ms in right here and Whiteclaw.

Drew:

Cool.

Christina:

Why don’t we trip on. Who are you?

Drew:

Winning mix. I am Drew Gregory, i will be in addition an author at Autostraddle where i really do some film insurance coverage as well as discuss online dating, queer relationship. I’m additionally a filmmaker and a trans lesbian.

Christina:

Hot. Crazy and hot.

Drew:

Yeah. In addition spent the week-end with my family members for the first time because pandemic. Very, that’s where i am getting into this podcast episode from that headspace and memories.

Christina:

Yes. that is an extremely fascinating power to create in, I’m pleased which you have it. We a game, as per usual, to tackle.

Drew:

Yes. Yes, we would.

Christina:

After which we’re going to have our main discussion with the help of our special key visitor, who you don’t get to learn which it’s however, listeners.

Drew:

Yeah. And the subject this week is actually sexting.

Christina:

Blah! That’s the way I experience sexting, we’ll get into it.

Drew:

Right.

Christina:

Let’s beginning. Let us begin this video game!

Drew:

Cool, you appear extremely comfy. Okay. Therefore, the last time that I created a game, it actually was to roast you, Christina.

Christina:

Yes, which is me.

Drew:

So, I imagined that week I would personally present a-game to roast myself.

Christina:

Oh, fascinating.

Drew:

Yeah. Therefore, the name of your online game is the really creatively named “Sappho or Drew’s 2014 log?” Thus, i will be saying some estimates and you’re planning to tell me if you feel the estimate is by Sappho or by me in 2014. I am able to give some context if you need, or we are able to just jump in.

Christina:

Nope, I get it. Let’s roll.

Drew:

Great. Okay. So, very first quotation is actually: “The fear of demise is actually the fear of time.”

Christina:

Fuck. That is likely to be more challenging than I thought. I will say, I’ll say that’s you.

Drew:

It’s myself. Good job. Okay. The second one: “yet again, really love pushes me personally in.”

Christina:

Tend to be these going to be both? That is like it might be both.

Drew:

No. that will be great but no, do not require are both.

Christina:

Okay. Thus, however, I simply must say that definitely Drew.

Drew:

No, which is Sappho.

Christina:

Really, which is Drew fuel.

Drew:

Yeah. There are many these which happen to be, they are basically all Drew power, and it seems that all Sappho electricity.

Christina:

No. Yeah. I have the overall game, turns out.


Drew:

Yes.

Christina:

Okay.

Drew:

Okay. “I am not sure what you should do, my mind is divided.”

Christina:

Sappho.

Drew:

Yes.

Christina:

Yes. I’m fist putting.

Drew:

Yeah, fist pump out.

Christina:

Many thanks.

Drew:

“Her locks are because gold because the mirror she retains and it streams all the way down her straight back.”

Christina:

Sappho.

Drew:

No, that is me personally.

Christina:

Drew! Wow, all right.

Drew:

“I am not expected to talk but we nod and respond to the woman touch.”

Christina:

Drew.

Drew:

Yes.

Christina:

Yeah.

Drew:

“i have to endure.”

Christina:

Again, Sappho but I want that it is both.

Drew:

Really Sappho.

Christina:

Yeah.

Drew:

“existence is only going to be thus patient.”

Christina:

Drew?

Drew:

Uh-huh (affirmative), you are doing very well at this. I want you to understand that I tried this on a couple of pals and additionally they failed, like statistically performed worse than they ought to have, and that means you’re destroying it up until now. Okay. “She slid her hands down my personal back and through my hair and that I began carrying out alike to their, eventually we were kissing.”

Christina:

Sappho?

Drew:

No, which is me personally.

Christina:

Hair is a motif for your family, clocking that.

Drew:

Oh, yeah. Consider that. “I have maybe not got one word from the girl. Frankly, If only we happened to be dead.”

Christina:

Drew?

Drew:

No, that’s Sappho.

Christina:

Deleting my personal profile. Sappho.

Drew:

Yeah. “You emerged and I also ended up being desiring you.”

Christina:

Ooh, Sappho.

Drew:

Yeah. “i wish to state something but embarrassment prevents me.”

Christina:

Drew.

Drew:

No, which is Sappho.

Christina:

But things were made, I think by me personally.

Drew:

Yeah.

Christina:

Yeah.

Drew:

Completely.

Christina:

Without a doubt.

Drew:

I believe which is the absolute most me personally of these, which will be fantastic because gay embarrassment recently been happening for millennia.

Christina:

Yeah. Untold millennia, it really is section of our community and culture. Hot.

Drew:

“you have the artist as there are the woman examining herself, exterior, interior, who is she?”

Christina:

Which Is Drew.

Drew:

It really is.

Christina:

Yeah. Is 14-year-old Drew?

Drew:

No, no, no. 2014 me personally. So, this can be yeah. So, this is exactly all from my personal journal. Therefore, that has been actually me journaling in an art gallery and that I ended up being only very struck by painting, because would youn’t journle in galleries?

Christina:

Are you currently gay?

Drew:

I might be gay.

Christina:

You could be gay. In case the children are journaling in museums they may be homosexual, merely a note.

Drew:

Every person should be aware that I became not-out associated with the cabinet during the time very, it was completely simply, believed I found myself a straight guy.

Christina:

Vibing.

Drew:

Yes. Vibing certainly. Okay, some more. “you should have recollections considering what we performed in those days once we happened to be new at this.”

Christina:

Sappho.

Drew:

Yes.

Christina:

Yes. I’m so great.

Drew:

You’re undertaking quite nicely. Okay. “We simply move together and move aside the remnants of the most useful passions ongoing because then great passion comes up.”

Christina:

Drew.

Drew:

Yeah. I found myselfn’t maintaining score but you’ve received most of these.

Christina:

Yeah, i am in addition now regretting maybe not keeping score. I Might have hated whenever we happened to be keeping score and I also was actually performing poorly, nevertheless now that I’m doing well, I’m want, exactly what—

Drew:

I will say you have got nine right.

Christina:

Okay. That seems like a large number.

Drew:

Yeah. Okay. Here is the finally one.

Christina:

Okay.

Drew:

It’s a really difficult one though. Okay?

Christina:

I have surely got to get 10.

Drew:

Yeah. Okay. Prepared? “we woke upwards today with a large spot just starting to form beneath the skin between my eyebrows each and every day before my personal day, without a doubt.”

Christina:

I will claim that’s Drew.

Drew:

It really is. Big surprise, large shock.

Christina:

Big shock, huge shock. Sappho had not been permitting you in to the zits of her life, unfortuitously.

Drew:

Well, thanks really for playing.

Christina:

Wow. Which was therefore enjoyable.

Drew:

I really hope you learned many about me personally, or discovered absolutely nothing about myself.

Christina:

I think I discovered, i learned that my personal understanding of you is appropriate and that the audience is friends. And I believe that’s the thing personally to learn.

Drew:

Yeah. I was going right through a separation during this time period, it was crude.

Christina:

Yeah, did not appear maybe not harsh, I’ll declare that, did not look mild, perhaps we can easily say?

Drew:

We survived, therefore did Sappho, well in the course of time she died but, you understand

Christina:

Sure, sure, certain. Do you want to share our primary topic? Do you consider we are psychologically truth be told there?

Drew:

Oh, my Jesus, i am thus prepared.

Christina:

I’m ready, once again, doing plenty of learning, this is certainly will be a listen and learn room personally and I also’m actually happy that people have these types of a visitor that is very brilliant and thoughtful and, I think, specialized into the realm of sexting.

Drew:

Oh, I concur. Kayla, want to introduce yourself?

Kayla:

Yes. I am Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Im additionally an author at Autostraddle and in other places online, yeah.

Christina:

Sexting specialist, sextpert.

Kayla:

And sexting specialist. Yes.

Christina:

Yes. I am going to be putting that in all of your own materials moving forward.

Kayla:

Its a very important section of my personal CV.

Christina:

Sure. Yes. We like to appreciate a CV here.

Drew:

I would like individuals at home, or wherever you are listening to this, to understand that, I don’t know, monthly ago I texted Kayla to ask for advice on just what it’s always satisfy some one when you have already been having an internet courtship, whatever, and Kayla, I became wishing all of this emotional help, et cetera, etc. And Kayla ended up being like, Oh, we just sexted. I was like, first got it, first got it, started using it. Okay, cool. Cool, cool.

Kayla:

Yeah, it wasn’t that deep, i suppose initially.

Christina:

I think which is truly a lovely, simply an enjoyable method of framing circumstances. Situations we can always bring a Drew/perhaps Sappho perspective to situations. It could always be rather deep, but sometimes it can begin on not that deep to get deep, which is truly breathtaking. Needs everyone around to consider that stunning thing.

Drew:

Yeah. Therefore, what is the relationship to sexting? Maybe you’ve always appreciated it? Is it long been something which’s, has actually it developed over the years your own comfortability with it?

Kayla:

Yeah. I am talking about, i believe used to do usually want it, I happened to ben’t sexting right up a storm during my, I don’t know, like in college or anything, After all, become fair, I found myself significantly closeted. And therefore, my personal relationship and intimate history had been all kind of in pretty bad shape for a time but as soon as I did turn out, i’d state yes, that sexting was anything I happened to be into almost overnight and section of it, In my opinion merely being an old Tumblr kid slightly. I found myself simply always connecting with people by doing so, on the web, over book or any. I’d done that for so long, which just thought extremely normal in my opinion, especially since I hadn’t got many gender and material. Thus, it almost thought easier at first right after which i simply knew that I appreciated it, therefore carried on, and yeah. But there clearly was a lengthy time frame where i did not really think about sexting that much, it actually was within my last union and when that relationship finished in a pretty remarkable way, all of a sudden there clearly was this era of the time in which I was sexting continuously, whoever, whenever, anywhere.

Christina:

Only “You up?” constantly.

Kayla:

Precisely. It was a steady stream. Yeah. That is my trip with sexting, i assume. It’s not a large number, loads, perhaps not a large number once more.

Christina:

Peaks and valleys.

Kayla:

Precisely.

Drew:

When you find yourself sexting, do you realy largely, does that mean giving images for your requirements or does it suggest dirty chat text texting sexting?

Kayla:

Yeah…

Christina:

That was a question I really have actually for both people, because You will find problems delineating on that front side.

Kayla:

Yeah, i believe that, that’s something which may differ individual to individual because for me personally i, it’s a multimedia experience. You have the messages, you have the photos, you’ve got I guess that’s it, I know some individuals perform sound information kind material, i am much less into that, In my opinion.

Christina:

You aren’t giving a VR lens or something, there is Oculus happening?

Kayla:

I would like a 4D experience.

Christina:

Yeah.

Kayla:

No. It’s essentially only texts and photos but I am not fundamentally anticipating that in exchange, i assume, is what I would state is that, i love to use pictures but I’m not want, “I wanted images!’

Christina:

Yeah, “Pics or it failed to occur!”

Kayla:

Just. I’m not sure in regards to you, Drew.

Drew:

Yeah. After all, personally i think like We’ll do both but typically at different times. I feel like when I’m giving images, i am picture ready which does not merely suggest, I’m not sure, the proper everything is cut and bare and etc, etc, but additionally just spiritually, In my opinion it is another type of fuel that i would like in order to text sext versus send photographs sext, and I also have no idea. I additionally feel just like a lot of times regarding sending images, In my opinion I will do a lot more of, this is certainly for — not for everybody, but also for like 20 people back at my good friends or whatever, in place of sending it particularly to some one. That’s more for, basically’m in a relationship, I’ll send hot photos but I really don’t typically send photographs to somebody who i am recently dating or into, but i am going to more book. I additionally think I’m much better at, I am not sure, exactly like i am a writer better than i am a photographer?

Christina:

Definitely, yeah. That is true.

Drew:

And therefore, I believe like i possibly could confidently point out that I’m pretty good within texting side of sexting.

Christina:

Yeah, i’d believe of you. That seems like one thing, an art set you would have.

Drew:

Yeah. But we mostly merely do that basically’ve had gender with someone prior to. Really Don’t—

Kayla:

Really?

Drew:

Yeah…

Christina:

Okay. Thus, fascinating, fascinating.

Drew:

Well, there is two. Either, i shall do it with somebody who I’ve had gender with before or whom I really don’t believe that i’ll actually ever have sex with.

Christina:

Oh, okay. Positive. Okay.

Drew:

Including, i’ve sexted with others who happen to be, I am not sure, whom slid into my personal DMS and live in, I don’t know, there was an individual who lived in Paris who had been talking-to me personally through the pandemic and I had been like, “It really is a pandemic. You Reside on a special continent, this is so that maybe not real—

Kayla:

The stakes tend to be low.

Drew:

Yeah, like whatever. Incase at some point we met, fantastic, nevertheless didn’t feel — I happened to ben’t dating this individual, but You will find cut-off when circumstances started initially to move in that direction with all the person who I’m virtually internet dating in Canada where it really feels like, “Oh, someday I will have sexual intercourse with this individual, probably.” And so much of sexting for me in text is dependant on what I know the individual is actually into, and what we’ve completed with each other or everything I think that they would wish us to do, and I just feel just like if I haven’t really had sex together with the individual—

Christina:

You may need that baseline experience.

Drew:

I do believe therefore.

Christina:

And then you wanna convert that to the texting room.

Drew:

Yeah, I Do Believe thus.

Christina:

Interesting.

Kayla:

Yeah, after all, I’m the complete opposite. I’m wanting to think of a case where I didn’t carry out the precise inverse of that. You will find always, easily was frequently sexting with someone, it actually was sexting taken place for a time before we in fact had sex, and that I actually virtually utilize it as an opportunity and figure out what they are into.

Christina:

Correct, you are providing your own learn expertise inside real room at some time.

Kayla:

Yes.

Christina:
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